Single in the Dating Game

Well I didn’t intend for this blog to be a Christian blog, per se. Even though I am a Christian, I didn’t want to discourage Non-Christians from reading and/or commenting on the posts. But this topic can’t be done completely without mentioning some standards set forth by the Judeo-Christian ethic, The Bible. People may have their opinions, and that’s fine, but we can’t live our lives being so emotional. We have to have some standards in place. I’m not here to prove to anyone that the Bible is correct and I’m not here to bash another religion. I can do an Apologetics discourse on why I believe what I believe, but let’s just stay on the subject matter of dating for now.

Some people are in different stages of their lives as far as relationships are concerned. Some people are young and dating, some are middle aged, older, newly divorced, some have been divorced for a while, and some have never been married. No matter where you are in the spectrum, here are some helpful hints to follow for choosing a mate. Remember, here at B.G. Street you are encouraged not to follow the herd, but to receive information, and to think about that information so that you can make an informed decision in the best interest of all parties involved. I will list several items and expound on them. Now I’m going to try and not make this an exhaustive post and I may not cover every point that needs to be made, but this should get you pointed in the right direction. These points are not in any order, but use the ones that apply to your situation, wherever you are.

Points to consider:

• You’re never going to find the perfect mate. Remember you are not perfect either. Would you consider dating a person with 70-80% of the good qualities you like, and 20-30% of the bad qualities you don’t like? Maybe the person has a heart to change the 20% to 5%. You never know, so don’t close the door on an opportunity. Or maybe he’s 4’-11” tall but he’s everything else that you want in a Godly man. It’s something to think about. Nice looking people are always a plus, but are you willing to compromise anywhere? Some things shouldn’t be compromised. This isn’t to say that you have to settle for less, but if you have your standards up there too high, it may take God a little bit longer to bring things together. He can do it, but are you willing to wait for it?
• Long distance relationships and internet relationships can be good, but some can be very deceiving. Be careful! You don’t know what the other person is doing miles, states, and countries away from you.
• Give yourself time to heal from a previous relationship. Don’t just hop into another relationship. It’s not fair to you or the new relationship. Unload your baggage yourself, not on the next mate.
• Don’t marry for anything other than love and the blessing of God. Look for substance, not pleasure. Too often I see women (women are emotional creatures) falling for guys for very shallow reasons. Guys do the same thing. You owe it to yourself to have the best and most substantive guy or gal for you.
• Do you want a mama’s boy or a high maintenance gold digger? If not, then don't pay them any attention. These people act the way they do because someone keeps giving them attention, allowing them to act this way. Do they work? Have a car? A bank account? Their own place? Why not? If they have kid(s), are they actively involved with the child(ren) physically and financially? If the answers to any of these questions is no, then you need to leave them alone. You’re not going to change them.
• Do you want to deal with his/her bad habits?
• Has this person grown spiritually since you’ve met him/her?
• You can’t change people, only God can change people who have it in their heart to change. An abusive person, an argumentative person, an overly emotional person, a person with a history of problems is a “red flag.”
• If God could tell Noah exactly how to build the ark; Moses how to deliver the children of Israel from bondage; and Solomon how to build the temple, surely He can tell you who your mate is. Follow your heart, and not your feelings. Your feelings are very deceiving.
• A Christian should only consider a Christian for a mate. I’m not talking about someone who goes to church, or was baptized when they were twelve, or says they believe in God. I’m talking about someone who has repented of their sins and asked Christ to forgive them and is willing to change. Matthew 7:16 says you’ll know them by their fruits. Enough of that religious mumbo-jumbo. There’s no such thing as Evangelistic dating. The Bible explicitly forbids believers and non-believers from being in covenanted relationships, i.e., marriage in the Old and New Testaments: Deuteronomy 7:2-4; 1 Corinthians 7:39; and 2 Corinthians 6:14. Do you and this person have a similar zeal for God? Similar beliefs and convictions? Church affiliation? Just because a person is a Christian doesn’t mean that person is for you. Let’s use an illustration of the human body, shoulders and ankles are apart of the body but they never work together, they don’t function the same way and they aren’t in close proximity. Same thing in the spiritual body of Christ. Let God bring people together, it always works out better that way. Interracial dating and marriage is not a sin, but some issues may need to be discussed. For example, you may be ostracized by family, friends and society. Do you teach your children both cultures of the parents, one, or none? If these aren’t a problem to you and you both have the witness of the Holy Spirit to go forward, then do so by all means.
• Don’t chase after anyone, this is for women especially. If the union happens, just let it happen. If you have to force things or can’t catch up to each other or schedules always conflict, then that should be a sign to you to back off. Maybe not permanently, but at least for now. However, I am old-fashioned as far as dating goes and I do believe that the man should court the women, and there’s definitely nothing wrong with chivalry guys.
• Look for a cog, not a magnet. In other words, look for someone that’s a good fit. One of you is the hand and the other is the glove, or vice versa. One is weak where the other is strong and vice versa. Don’t look for the exact opposite, like a magnet. You won’t have anything in common.
• Find out if the potential mate is a thinker or a follower.
• Be complete in Him (Christ), not in a mate. Focus on getting closer to God and fixing areas in your own life before you try to attach yourself to a mate.
• Never put anyone on a pedestal. Man has the ability to break your heart, but God is always faithful. Don’t get so wrapped up in a person so that “you can’t see the forest for the trees.”
• Be available. Go out, hang out with friends, and meet people.
• Seek friendship first. Don’t look to date anyone. You MUST be friends first anyway, so go out with that intention. If you find some eye candy (a nice looking person), stay focused and don’t get off course. Don’t be in such a hurry to get married. Sure there may be lonely times, but enjoy yourself and take things slowly.
• Goals, vision and destiny. Do you have any? Does the potential mate have any? Do they make sense together? Are you guys going in the right direction? If there’s no direction then don’t go forward.
• After you decide to be an item talk about personal issues: Money, communication, sex (any hang ups or different pleasures), children (existing or new), domestic responsibilities.
• Look your best, but be respectable and modest. Keep your hair looking nice, keep your hands and your feet looking pretty, brush your teeth, wash regularly, smell nice, iron your clothes, and don’t buy clothes too big.
• Don’t compare your potential partner to anyone else.
• Don’t be too forward. I know that people get excited about meeting a new person. Control your hormones folks. I hear too many men and women talk about they have needs. This is understandable, we’re human and sex isn’t a bad thing, but there’s a right way and a wrong way. Your actions send signals. Don’t do something you will regret. Be discreet!
• Discern the relationship for what it is. This person may be a distraction to you to get you off focus for the direction God has for you. This person may be a business contact or a mate for your friend that you are to meet and present to him/her later. You never know why you are meeting someone, so just have fun.