Identity Crisis: A Culture of Low Self-Esteem and Social Acceptance

Jesus teaches about identity in a parable (natural illustration to explain a spiritual truth) Matthew 4:6 “But when the sun was up, it was scorched; and because it had no root, it withered away.” Identifying with humanity is apart of human nature, and our roots are what connects us to our source, whether it’s God or something in the natural. We want to and need to identify with our surroundings and other humans (peers, family, our race, co-workers, etc). Humans will always want to connect with something/someone outside of themselves. Remember that! Don’t be fooled by these introverts and people that live hermit-like lives. They may not have a lot of interaction with the outside world, but they spend their time doing something. However, the most important link, in terms of identity, should be with our Creator first, not with one another or something. Acts 17:28 tells us that “in Him we live and move and have our being.”

We must share ourselves somewhere. We know this because we are made in the image and likeness of God (Genesis 1:26). God wanted to express Himself and have fellowship with other beings. He longed to be accepted and loved in reciprocation for love He planned on demonstrating to us. But today, we lack that “root” that Jesus mentioned and we see a society merely acting out and expressing itself in hopes of gaining acceptance and self-distinction from the crowd. Humans are into the “in-crowd” mentality. He or she is cool, that person has the look we like, so they draw towards one another. It’s not very substantive, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes likenesses as well as opposites can healthily attract. But Scripturally-speaking, the Bible is emphatically clear about our identity and who we are. There are a myriad of Scriptures that we can use, but for the sake of this discussion we will use: Ephesians 3:17 “be rooted and grounded in love (God),” Colossians 2:10 “you are complete in Him (Jesus)” and 1 Corinthians 3:11 “For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ.” I’m calling this article “Identity Crisis” because people are associating themselves with things for reasons that aren’t valid, reasons that make no sense, or because others are doing it, etc. It’s sad, because some of these precious people are procreating, and God only knows what they are teaching these innocent children. With whom and/or with what are you identified?

Tattoo/Body Piercing/Styles

We live in a culture where distinction and independent social and cultural expression is pervaded. Unique hair and clothing styles, body markings/piercing are all popular in the mainstream world. People African-American women have blonde hair, red hair, blue eyes; and Caucasians youth wear Mohawks and spiked clothing; and an overwhelming majority of the youth, regardless of ethnicity, wears clothes that is too big for them. Why does this happen? Some of the youth thinks they are cool, not knowing that the people who are selling them this dress in these clothes because the youth of today buy it. Most people can’t go to a job dressed like some of these kids. But the parents are just as guilty for buying into this stuff and not explaining the true mechanics of how the world works. I know that a lot of this has to do with the influence of the media and parents not monitoring their children, but we’re invariably perpetuating another generation of lost souls if we don’t instill a positive identity in them [Please read How the Media Thinks for You Parts 1-4].

In third world countries, these outward expressions (unique hair and clothing styles, body markings/piercing) are ancestral, cultural and tribal symbols that mean different things. Today, in some of the more industrial and technologically-advanced nations, tattoos (including the names and pictures of people) and body piercing has become popular. People who have no idea of what their ancestral roots are use this form of social expression. Famous athletes and celebrity icons have made tattoos and body piercing popular among the youth as a socially acceptable fad. At one point in time, African-American youth, who don’t even know the country of their ancestors, were putting Japanese and Chinese sayings on their body. (Now if that isn’t a manifestation of confusion, I don’t know what is.) Most African Americans say that their ancestors are from Africa, but Africa is a continent, not a country. You may see some Caucasian youth with the stretched ear lobes or lip rings that one may see in some third world tribal society. This is not an action that derived from their ancestry.

Is it wrong for young people to emulate these trends? No! But I always ask why are you doing this? The answers that I get generally don’t make any sense. Remember at B.G. Street we don’t just follow the crowd, we act with purpose and forethought. It’s unnatural for people to be more in tuned to the culture of another without knowing their own. That’s similar to someone who alienates him/herself away from their own family for invalid reasons, but will embrace their friends or strangers. That type of behavior and rationale is questionable, at best. As I write this article, I am reminded of impressionist paintings. They don’t look very appealing to me, but the artist is expressing something that he/she was thinking or feeling. That’s great, it was their personal expression. But why are people using someone else’s or someone else’s cultural expression as your own without any insight as to why they were expressing. For example, what if the tribal people’s purpose for the nose rings meant “kill the white man?” I’m sure that it doesn’t mean that, but you understand what I mean. In mutilating your body, the tribal people have a distinct purpose in doing so. I’m not telling anyone to change your clothes/hair styles or remove any tattoos or piercing. Why did you change your appearance? Why did you really mark and mutilate your body?

Fraternities/Sororities/Gangs

A lot of times, men and women, look for love, and acceptance in all of the wrong places. Fraternities, sororities and gangs will show you acceptance that is conditional: if you pay a monetary fee, let them humiliate you for a period of time, and then you can be in their group. Now gangs are on another level, because they deal with blatantly criminal activities, but they are a group that does provide a level of acceptance to the youth. I don’t care what anyone tells you, that is the attitude of these brotherhood and sisterhood groups. Some are more extreme than others, but basically that’s what happens, especially in college. I joined a fraternity when I was in college, so I know what I’m talking about. People saw that the popular fraternities and sororities were in the “in-crowd.” Some of the people were nice, but some really had some identity issues. I’ve seen it to many times. You enter college as a freshman, making friends and finding your way. Then one of your friends decides to pledge, and they change when they “go over.” They forget about the people who befriended them when they were a “nobody” and the opposite sex wasn’t interested in him/her. But now they have some letters across their chest and back, and sometimes they get branded or tattooed (here we go with that again). These people are seen on campus and in the cafeteria as in the “in-crowd” by the groupies. I really pity people like this, and most of us have personally experienced this or have seen the movies. A lot of these groups use weak excuses for joining them, such as: community service and networking. These are unadulterated lies. You can volunteer your time as an individual anywhere you want, and networking is fine, but you don’t have to go through humiliation and risking your life sometimes, in order to get acceptance and connect with people. God is the greatest networker of all. He can divinely connect you with whomever you need to get you to your destination. So these groups do all of these wonderful and loving things, but the inner workings are a secret to the uninitiated. Sounds like a scam, huh? Jesus didn’t keep secrets. He said in Matthew 10:8 “freely you received, freely give”; He said in John 18:20 “I spake openly to the world; and I ever taught in the synagogue, and in the temple, whither the Jews always resort; and in secret have I said nothing”; He said in John 15:15 “for all things that I have heard of My Father I have made known to you.” So where are your roots, in a group or in God? I know people who cried because they didn’t make it into one of these groups. To what have we been reduced as a society? Yes, I’m challenging your sacred cow right now, but I want you to think, and stop being a slave. Slaves don’t think; slaves just obey. Some people say, well I went Grad Chapter so I didn’t go through the hazing process. Stop trying to rationalize away the facts. You’re at B.G. Street now; that means you’re a thinker, and that’s encouraging. I’m not trying to make you quit your organization, but I want you to examine your own motives. Why did you really join the group? What did that organization provide for you that God couldn’t?

Dating/Associating

This can be a very “touchy” subject for some, but I’m not here to offend, but to raise the consciousness of the readers. There’s nothing wrong with having a preference or a desire for a specific type of mate. God gave us all the ability to discern beauty. What I consider an attractive person, someone else may not feel the same way, and that’s fine. But the “Identity Crisis” comes in where a person only wants to date and/or associate with certain people for very shallow reasons. Remember, if you find attractiveness in a specific quality, that’s fine, but don’t alienate yourself away from a potential blessing because: someone’s skin isn’t light enough; someone is of a different race; someone is of another socio-economic grouping then yours. This is how a shallow person would judge a person. But you and I must identify with our Source. What is the substantive part of this person all about?

The man or woman of your dreams, physically-speaking, may come into your life, but he/she might be an atheist and you’re a Spirit-filled Christian. Can you compromise with that? Or you may find a potential mate that is a Christian with some comparable beliefs as yours, but has a history of abusing mates in the past. Do you want to subscribe to those issues? I hear men and women adamantly declaring: I must have a black man; I must have a white woman; I must have a Hispanic woman; I must have a light-skinned mate; I must have a rich man. Hey folks, I don’t have to live with you, so do what works for you. But don’t be shallow in choosing someone as important as a mate. Be substantive and get your mind out of the gutter. The bedroom stuff will happen, but too many times, people are shallow, sadly enough. Why are you really dating/married to that person? Is your overall life better or worse? Remember, you can do badly by yourself. Shallow reasoning for being with someone is never worth it.

In conclusion, we all have a natural sense of longing to be loved, wanted and/or accepted. I am saddened when I see older folks fall victim to the things discussed here (and there are more points that could’ve been made), because the younger generation inevitably follows the examples of their predecessors. The youth will then confer with their contemporaries (which are generally unskilled and inexperienced in life) and they follow each other or what they see around them or in the media. This leads to a perpetual cycle of superficial living and ultimately failure. Don’t buy the lie! We have a hope and a calling in God. It’s sad, but I know people who are so afraid of being alone. You’re not alone; you just need time to get to know yourself. You’re looking at the situation all wrong. You can’t love your neighbor until you learn how to love yourself. Be good to yourself; treat yourself like a king/queen. Then when that mate comes along you will know how to do it. Don’t look to others for acceptance, if you are a Christian, then according to Ephesians 1:6 “you have been accepted in the beloved.” I know people who can’t enjoy extended time by themselves. They don’t want to go to a movie, to the grocery store or out to dinner alone. That is almost pitiful. These are some of the same people who are addicted to the phone. They are always talking on it, but are never talking about anything. You must be comfortable in your own skin, so to speak. Some of us are more private people or loners, and some of us are more of a people person, and that’s great. But find out who you really are and be comfortable with you. Don’t put on a façade and cover up your insecurities. Your eventual mate will be in for a big surprise, and it won’t be a good one.

I believe that the Church (as a whole) has failed in presenting the liberty and the love of Christ in an attractive and desirable package. For years we’ve heard about God striking us down with a lightning bolt and sending us to Hell. Nobody wants to hear that. Is it easier to catch bees by swatting at them, or by putting out a honey jar? The full Gospel of God can be presented without compromising the message and/or intent of the Word, yet still can be attractive and powerful. No one wants to be associated with a dry and lifeless place. If everyone can leave this article with at least one thing, I would say Ephesians 3:17 “be rooted and grounded in love (God),” Colossians 2:10 “you are complete in Him (Jesus)” and 1 Corinthians 3:11 “For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ” are the keys. A spiritual grounding, completeness and foundation are part and parcel to success in life. You will make more sound decisions and you will have peace in your life. You will have hope when things are not going your way, because Someone greater than you is anchoring your soul. These temporal groups, things and people can make you happy for a moment, but only Jesus brings true joy John 15:11. Please read some of my articles that deal with this same type of subject matter: Welfare Mentality, A Culture Waiting to be Rescued, and How the Media Thinks for You Parts 1-4. Live well!